the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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