I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
