Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
