Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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