im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
