Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
