In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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