It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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