This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
