3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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