Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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