I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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