ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
