then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
