Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
