I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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