Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
