Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
