Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
