how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
