I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
