Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
