I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
