i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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