You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
