I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just gift wrapped bread.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
