I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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