the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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