i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
