guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
