Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
