Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
