my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
