Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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