so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
