But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
