My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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