i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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