is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
