I must be too annoying 4 u.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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