Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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