I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You've changed since you got that strap on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
