Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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