And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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