I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
