I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
