false alarm. still invincible.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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