i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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