i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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