What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
